


a colostomy bag and an emergency

by orphan_account



Category: South Park
Genre: Crack, Humor, M/M, colostomy bags, this is absolutely fucking vile my dudes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-26
Updated: 2019-09-26
Packaged: 2020-10-28 18:33:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20783189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Clyde hooks up with Craig.Craig doesn't know about Clyde's colostomy bag.Clyde doesn't know about Craig's kinky side.How is this going to play out?(this is purely crack and fucking disgusting.)





	a colostomy bag and an emergency

**Author's Note:**

> obviously this is crack but uhhh warning: gore, scat, general grossness

"What the hell is that?"

Clyde looks down, at the bag on his right hip. It used to be a salmony-nude color, but his step-mom sewed him a Denver Broncos cover. It's blue, with their logo in the middle, and really badass.

"It's my colostomy bag," Clyde says. He pokes it to demonstrate. 

Craig wrinkles his nose, brown eyes scanning the bag. "Isn't that a shitbag? I'm not sure I want to hook up with a guy with a shitbag."

"Dude it's cool. It doesn't smell when it's closed and I clean it every three days. Or, uh, four. Sometimes five if I'm busy, but then it smells REAL bad whenever I empty it," Clyde says.

Craig crosses his arms. "Well, when did you last change it?"

Two days ago. "Earlier today. Uh, just in case I got lucky tonight."

Craig contemplates this, scratching his chin the way they do in cartoons. He doesn't have any facial hair, which is neat. It feels scratchy against your balls when you're getting deep-throated.

"Fine," Craig says. "I've been meaning to try out something less vanilla."

He turns around and pulls his shirt off, exposing a long back with faded stretch marks. Clyde's got stretch marks too, but not on his back. He didn't get tall fast, he just ate too much chocolate.

Craig's thin, but with a soft stomach instead of the abs Clyde sort-of expected. He doesn't mind. He hasn't managed to score with anyone this hot in years. He doesn't score that much, in general. Not many guys are into fat boys with colostomy bags.

Clyde's shoes and socks end up on the floor, next to his laundry pile, followed by his sweatpants. Craig's watching him, unimpressed. He takes off his skinny jeans and folds them, placing them on Clyde's dresser.

"Do you have condoms?" Craig asks.

Clyde nods and opens his bedside drawer, pulling out a Pasante Pineapple Flavoured Condom™. "Who's topping?"

Craig looks hesitant. "I usually bottom, but today's different. I'll do it," he says, and he takes the condom. He pulls his underwear down, exposing a pretty impressive dick with well-shaved balls.

Clyde closes his mouth before saliva drips out. It'd be fine in case of a blowjob, but somehow he doesn't think that's what Craig wants. He takes his own underwear off and carefully places it on his nightstand, because Calvin Klein's expensive. His dick is shorter but pretty thick, and definitely hard.

Clyde goes to lie down, but Craig grabs his arm. His hands are big and boney, and kinda viney, which is gross.

"You should probably stay seated for this," he says.

Clyde's surprised. You don't usually put on a condom to give another guy a blowjob, do you? But he doesn't want Craig to go, so he obeys and sits on the bed. He makes sure his thigh's covering the big faded cumstain in the middle of the sheets.

"How do I open it?" asks Craig. He's looking Clyde up and down with a hungry look in his eyes.

"Open what? Uh, my ass you mean? I used a dildo like, five hours ago, so it's probably fine."

Craig just shakes his head. "Nevermind, I think I found it," he says, and before Clyde can react, he has his fingers on Clyde's colostomy bag. There's the trshch-trch-ch-ch sound of Velcro and a sharp inhale from Craig.

"Huh. I kind of expected shit to just... fall out once it opened," he says.

Clyde shakes his head, looking at Craig with wide eyes. "Dude, what the hell! Why did you do that?" he asks, and he gets up. His eyes water and his cheeks flush red in shame. 

Craig looks taken aback. He puts his hands up in the air, taking a step back to give Clyde some space."Woah, sorry. I thought you were going to let me fuck it."

...

"What the fuck."

"Well-"

"No, what the actual fuck! Why do you want to fuck my 'shitbag'?" 

Craig shrugs, scratching his cheek awkwardly. "Told you I wanted to try something kinky. And isn't it basically a second ass for you?"

I hooked up with the second biggest idiot in town, Clyde thinks. Biggest idiot being himself, because despite everything his dick hasn't gotten any softer, proudly bobbing in the air. "Well, it wouldn't feel good they way an ass-fucking would," he says, then pauses. "Though it'd be hot to watch."

Craig smiles for the first time this evening, then grabs his cock. "Ready?" he asks, and Clyde can only nod. He watches as Craig struggles to fit his cock in the tight opening, moaning and groaning. It's really hot, and he can't help jacking off. He rubs his slit with his thumb and moans unabashedly, looking at Craig through half-lidded eyes.

"Are you all in?" Clyde asks.

"Yeah."

"Describe it to me."

"It's slimy, and wet, and hot. Not that tight, but it still feels good. And the pineapple condom is masking the smell of shit, at least," he says.

Clyde's moving his hand up and down his cock faster and faster, Craig's words making him whine. Not wanting Clyde to cum first, Craig starts thrusting inside of Clyde's colostomy bag, slowly. It tickles, but Clyde couldn't concentrate on it if he tried, not when he's got his dick twitching in his hand.

Craig thrusts faster and faster, till he suddenly stops. "This is not working. It feels nice at the base, but it's not tight enough. I'm not gonna cum," he says.

Shit, Clyde thinks. He somehow manages to pry his hand off his dick, taking big breaths. "Uh. I have an idea, but it's kind of extreme," he says.

Craig raises an eyebrow. "Go on."

"What if," Clyde bites his lip nervously, "what if you fuck like, my large intestine? That's what the bag is connected to. There's a hole at the end of it, and it connects to my large intestine, so."

Craig blinks. "Oh. Yeah, I don't see what could go wrong," he says. "You should lie down then."

Clyde does, heart beating faster and faster. He's holding his cock at the base, tightly, so he doesn't cum prematurely. He'd probably pussy out.

Craig pulls out almost completely, dick looking pretty brown, then thrusts in hard, breaching Clyde's stoma, the hole connected to his intestine. He screams, eyes rolling back, his hand desperately running along his cock for pleasure. The pain's excruciating, but Craig doesn't stop. In and out, in and out, he fucks Clyde's insides. It's blinding, the pain of a dick turning your intestine inside out, into knots. 

"Shit, I'm so close!" Craig yells.

Tears are streaming down Clyde's eyes and his entire body is shaking in shock, consciousness hanging on the tip of his dick. He grips it hard, almost cruelly jacking it off. He uses his free hand to fondle his balls, but it's trembling so hard that feeling's nearly painful.

Craig thrusts in with a new force, screaming Clyde's name, and Clyde feels like he's being ripped in half. He finally, god, finally orgasms, and the force behind it makes Clyde pass out, cum covering his stomach and bag.

Craig's next, his orgasm making his insides shake. His cum coats the inside of Clyde's large intestine, semen mixing with shit and shredded meat. He pulls out slowly, lethargically, but his sleepiness evaporates when he sees the red mixed with the brown and white on his cock.

"Shit!" he yells, then laughs at the pun. He thinks of making a run for it, but worries that his cum would easily link him to the murder. So he pulls out his iPhone and dials 911, looking at Clyde's fat unconscious body in concern.

"Yeah, 911? I have an emergency."


End file.
